I think

“You can close you eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel”

Those wise words were once said by Johnny Depp, I think he has the right idea.  I don’t think today should be political, or completely geared towards gun laws etc. I think it is something to put on the radar, but right now as a country we need to mourn and we need to heal. We also need to love and care for those who need our love the most right now.

I think that for people who are not directly affected by this, it is easy to not talk about, it is easy for people to not feel the pain, helplessness, and true hurt of Las Vegas. I think that it is also easy to not talk about, and it is so easy to look past when it didn’t happen in our back yard. Be kind to one another.

Just to wrap my thoughts up, I am greatful, I am so so proud of this country I live in. But I am also disappointed. I’ve been looking at a lot to do with this shooting and it makes me sad to think that something so devastating could bring us further apart, when right now is when we need to come together the most. Don’t give up on this beautiful country and all it has to offer the world. At the end of the day, We Are The People. Change starts with us.

Also, I didn’t want this to be geared towards anything but love. I want this to be about our country as a whole, leaving the labels behind. We should be devastated and we should be outraged, but it’s what we do with that, that matters. Of course easier said than done. My heart, hope and prayers are sent to every single body effected by this, please keep believing.

to be honest

Okay so, I’m really bad at this whole blogging thing. I can never get myself to be able to sit down and write a blog post. It’s really kind of annoying. I go through my life, and I love journaling so I go through life and there are just certain moments that i know I will remember forever, and so I write them down. Last night was one of them, I’m grounded, and my parents went out to dinner, so naturally I thought that would be the best time to go hangout with one of my friends. Last night my friend and I were in the car and we were going down one of those “Missouri” roads. That’s what I call them. The roads that are surrounded by trees, and are really windy, but not like a mountainous way, anyways we were driving and the windows were down and it was a clear blue sky night, and its fall. It’s kind of one of those nights you dream of; the music was loud, and I could not have been smiling any bigger or laughing any harder. 

It was nice because I feel like ever since school has started everything has been go go go. I feel like because school started everything sped up and I became careless. For the first time in a while my mind was clear, and happy. So really the problem here was not that I didn’t have anything to blog about, my motivation hasn’t been there. Since I can’t seem to get a second wind, I decided I need to give myself one. So here I am.

I’m sitting by myself, but i’m not waiting for you

Personally, I do not believe in the “one”. I believe that there are a million people out there in this world for me. But somewhere down the line at the right place in the right time one of those people will be there for me. I don’t believe that, “the one” will just stroll into my life and love me unconditionally just because that’s how it’s supposed to be. I believe that love is worked at every single day, and it is fought for. If it was easy, wouldn’t everyone be in love?

I’m a hopeless romantic, if you will. I love, love. I love the idea of the connection, i love the feeling of loving someone. I am in love with the idea that love is possible. I love my two best friends more than anything, and the amount of love that receive from them back, is a feeling I would give anyone. But i can’t imagine why I would try to be friends with them or connect with them, if they left me. If they left me for a selfish reason especially. In a similar way, I don’t know why I would chase after someone romantically if they don’t have the same intention of even giving me the time of day.

My heart has been broken twice. I really don’t think I was in love either time to be honest, i’m 17 how in love could i really be? But i do know that I cared about them so much. I would do anything for them. Partly because they had me convinced that’d they’d do the same, the difference is that I meant it. The other reason why I would do anything for them is because at one point or another they made me feel as if I was living a fairytale. Anyways, they both broke my heart, but I think that if I had valued myself more then, I would have left sooner. At the very least I would have had more honest and blunt conversations about my self worth so they were on the same page with what my standards are.

In both scenarios, I was the one who was left. Never chase what left you. I say this because if they were truly in love with you they wouldn’t have left and they would have gone to big lengths to keep you, no matter what. They can still love you, without being in love. But they sure as hell are not in love with you if they left to find the next best thing. If someone wants you then you will know, and if not you will be confused.

Sen18rs

Senior Year, the year of lasts. The year I hope is filled with countless laughs and memories of pure bliss. I am lucky, I get to come into senior year with a clear mind and excitement. High School definitely has not been easy though. I have gone to 3 different high schools, and when one thing got better, another came crumbling down. At least that’s what it felt like, but now i’m in a good and happy place. The best part about that is I deserve to be where I am, and I deserve to be happy. And it’s senior year! We have already had homecoming but I get to go to another schools, so it didn’t really hit me as the last. To be honest it hasn’t really hit me that I even am a senior. But, I am super excited for everything that senior year holds. I already have all of my credits to graduate, and I was going to go to STLCC, but I decided to come back, so that I could have a senior year. I didn’t want to miss out on the football games and the dances, and all of the stuff that seniors get the privilege to do. Not to lie, I also like the idea of being on top. We run the school, and we have the power this year. I don’t mean power in terms of controlling, but I would say we are the roll models now. I like the idea of that, but when I really think about it, it kind of scares me. We are the next graduating class, that is scary in itself. However, I know that it will be fun, and I know that it will be memorable.

Dad

Dear Dad,

I think being adopted puts a different perspective on my life because I was chosen. There are a million kids you could have adopted in this world, and you chose me. I am your one in a million. I am lucky. I have a determined, trustworthy, humble, caring father who loves me unconditionally. It could have been anyone, but I was fortunate enough to have this. To me, I live the dream life. I would not want this life any other way. I think sometimes I don’t tell you these things enough. But I want you to know that none of what you do goes unnoticed and I truly believe I am so far beyond blessed to have someone like you in my life. Living as my everyday role model. There is no combination of words in the English language that I could put together to ever express the amount of love I have for you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Your Daughter,

Annie

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